Dear Facebook,
I realize that you are an enabler, a connector, one who brings people back together after losing touch on the journey of life. You untangle the mess that is the intertubes, and as part of your mission, will suggest to me people that I might know. Likewise, you will suggest me to these people, hoping that a moment of recognition, of "Aha!", will inspire a click to digitally renew our friendship. I just wanted to take a moment to thank you for the trip back down memory lane your helpfulness has inspired in the past few weeks.
Specifically:
- Thank you for popping up the same people over and over. Like a police line-up and interrogation, I'm starting to think that perhaps I do know Bobby Joe.
- Thank you for adding the ignore X button finally. I really enjoyed having my ex's face pop up on my main page every other time I logged in. I'm sure you know how much I welcomed the warm fuzzy memories that his image surely conjured.
- Thank you for confirming that as amusing as it is to learn where most people have ended up, very little of it is surprising.
- Thank you for reconnecting me with people from the past: ex-boyfriends from 10 years past, childhood friends, siblings of childhood friends who may or may not be sluts, people from my high school I can't remember, etc....
- Thank you for being psychic. When I got to digitally reconnect with the only ex whose sexuality I might question, you sent me a notification saying that he has updated his profile answering that very question. (Guess my gay-dar is way off)
- Thank you for the laughs. The sophomore guy that I almost asked to senior prom because my date had to cancel last minute and all the upperclassmen guys were taken? Thanks to Facebook I've learned that he isn't that much younger than me, is still single, and has a 1 year old little boy he's utterly devoted to. And still in middle of nowhere of my podunk state. Actually, a disturbing number of people fall in that category... The friend of mine who, when dating a 34-year old during our sophomore year, informed me that the age of consent in said podunk state is 14 years old? Married to a man that looks older than our fathers.
Hooray for public high schools!
Very truly yours,
- Hungrier Than Thou
P.S. Thank you for letting us specify privacy settings. I do hope that not too many people catch on to them though... I mean, if I lost the ability to stalk people so easily, then Scramble would be the only thing that keeps me logging onto Facebook!